Skeletons in my closet

For Anthony II

2011-03-09T00:08:00.000-08:00

I.
It was October
when our paths clashed
with the waves of the ocean,
we could feel our hearts glad.

II.
It was October
and my heart was so sad,
but you picked up the pieces
dear, I was so glad

III.
It was October
when the moon sealed our lips
and under thy wings
Is where I lust to be

IV.
The night of October
When I looked in thy eyes
Under the spell of the moon
I wanted you mine

V.
That night of October
was the night of all night
When I asked to be claimed
Oh my heart was in fright!

VI.
Oh sweet night of October
I skipped with delight!
for your heart opened up
I might've screamed with delight!

VII.
October turned to November
Our days turned to weeks
every second of carpe diem
every moment so sweet

VIII.
Oh Bittersweet November
then came moments of bliss
we then started some fire
but always ends with a bliss

IX.
You passed by so fast November,
all had been said and done
except for this tremendous heartache
everything else is gone.

X.
Oh cold, cold December
I know he is gone
but I have child's faith,
I know he is the one.

***

2010-12-11T01:39:00.001-08:00

Words maybe sweet
leaving me with defeat
Thy words like sapphire
Getting me all wired

It really got my mind running
this guy is so cunning
with an offer i couldn't resist
He doesn't even have to persist

Too good to be true it might be
for an eye as charming as it could be
A chance I wouldn't let pass
I'll grab this before all turns to ash~

With trembling hands I lift my arms
marking the date where we'll cross our paths.

For A.J.O

2010-12-10T02:30:00.000-08:00

As lonely as a rock

I sit on a log

listening to the ocean waves

As cold breeze touch my dampened face

With this remorse of murder I've done

A burden that makes me weigh a ton,

as surfers happily pass me by...

I thought about the love that died.

On black I've covered up for warmth

As I alone, set this funeral up.

With trembling, guilty hands I have

I carefully lift up into the sky

The horizon where ocean meets the sky

where the soul of our love is bound

welcomed me with open arms

and whispers happy endings don't exist.

We tried and planned for a beginning

But I killed the love before we are in it~

I did not mean to,

But I am fool for I have done it.

The birds flew by and lots of passersby,

cars behind the highway one rushes by,

it made me realize it's time to go

this ash of love I wouldnt want to let go, but I've to.

I folded up a paper boat

and loaded it with al the memories.

This corpse of love that I had murdered

and set it out the sea and watched as it went further

With a silent whisper of farewell

and a drop of final tear

I let out a sigh

and got back inside my car.

Sonnet for yuu-

2010-06-21T21:38:00.000-07:00

With those words you have made my body sway;
so now from you I cannot stay away
Like venom you've sulked into my veins
and now it feels like heavy rain

Inside my mind you have been lingering
a dandelion that is so addicting
But now my king; you have your queen
so now I wish, please cut my leash~

To dream for you just like a crazy fool
punishes my poor heart, so bad and cruel
so now my king you have your queen;
I'll take a bow and find my king

so now m king treasure thy queen
Inside my mind, our memories I'll keep so keen...

abandoned~

2010-01-18T10:33:00.000-08:00

A doll you used to own, I was~

Adored, beloved, bestowed with gifts

Like princess, from my chair you lift~

To bring with you to neverland

With promises, you lured me deep

Into a cave of misery

Alone, I was incessantly

I cried myself into the sleep

This doll you used to hug and love

Now locked into this empty room

a freezing room, I’m all at huff~

With blankets of cobwebs and gloom

Abandoned doll with heart of ice

You’ve grew tired of~ it was so fast

The doll you buried ‘to the past

So you will never hear my cries~

Into this dump you threw away

I feel my soul have gone array

This useless, lifeless entity

Into the river of serenity

Just like my previous masters you

You did the same deed onto me

To me, you’re jaded now and so~

Abandoned like a trash, I am~

But still this lonely doll awaits

Her master’s promise to return

With hope that gradually abates~

Decaying heart~ I choose to churn.

*image by : http://kasfear.deviantart.com/

*original composition of Catrina Licudine~ 1/19/2010

The day I have forgotten when to speak

2009-12-25T10:29:00.000-08:00

The humid air of late November
as chills ran down into my spines
A scene I dare not to remember;
I hope not to risk this life on to the line

The cold soils of this eerie town
is where I found my beloved one
His head was beaten, so badly done...
I felt suffocated, all I could do was frown~

I noticed that his mouth was open
as if screaming words with no words spoken
all I could do was look into the heavens
and cried for all the dreams that were broken

As I saw his corpse lying there
I want to scream, shriek and curse;
but fearing that someone might be there~
this burning anger just turned out hoarse

hence that day my senses shocked;
My sanity gone, my intellect locked~
forgetting the existence of clock,
to save myself, m y lips remained locked

hence that day I saw his corpse
was the day that I have forgotten when to speak~

*The poem I submitted to the 10th regional press conference, won 7th place out of 70+ contenders :p not bragging, just sharing~

#now playing- The day you went away by m2m.. a song for you =_=
*been lonely since the day you went away~

the waiting

2009-11-13T08:25:00.000-08:00

Your name I uttered silently
I started breathing heavily

Beside the cathedral I wait
as the skies whispered "it's too late"

the wind blew shards of ice to me
painful stakes of chill pierced through me

my head I lift to the heaven
I could feel the weight of burden

the skies were full of dark and gloom
she's also crying...but for whom?

Into my face her tears all fell
I felt like crying loud as well

the sky and me, we share the gloom
heavy too much, it felt like doom

I cried with her, she washed my tears
I looked at her all drowned in fear

into the watch I glanced once more
as I blankly stared 'to the moor

I remembered why I was here
I've been waiting for you my dear

But no, I am not dumb at all
my wick has limits after all

I know that never will again
can we have nights like those again

thy smile, thy kiss,. thy touch and charm
they served as sunlight in my dark

but now to me you've grown weary
I could feel nothing but dreary

and so I grabbed the sharpest knife
said my prayer and end my life

Butterfly amongst the worms

2009-11-10T11:48:00.000-08:00

A butterfly so tiny and fragile
she travels by herself into the dark
her beauty shines, illuminates and spark
She's been like this for quite a little while

Companion is a foreign word to her
Alone she lives, as river she had cried
Countless is the times fake friends had lied
A mask they put whilst bound in front of her

And so one rainy night she tied a rope
for betrayal had her behind closed doors
her last breath she let out into the moor
She gushed the last of breath; all drought of hope

Sept. 29,09 Indang Cavite
*3rd place Poetry writing~

To you

2009-10-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

Into the horizon I stare for days
With mind so blank, with vast and open space
You are so far away from me today
So sad it is but I’ll stay anyway

Dear, since that day you’ve been so cold to me
The reason remains imprecise to me
So now for you I sing a lonely chant
To save me from this gloomy span

Into your arms is where I long to stay
As days go by this loneliness arrays
The day when I’ll behold those stares again
‘Til that day arrives, my strength I’ll regain

Anata no tame ni.. anata no dake desu :(

2009-07-11T23:12:00.000-07:00

One evening I waited, it's sad and dark
The lamp's light start to blink, It's night time now
'Til now I still await for your come back
The rose you gave had lost it's redness now

Alas! the ceiling has some cobwebs now
The player played the last of the gray songs
yet still I wait for you no matter how
I hate to think that something might be wrong

For decades I had aited here for you
Maybe to me the red had turned to gray
Should I consider myself as your fool?
Doubt is my heart but for you I await

Until I gushed into my lastest breath
My wait for you will never have a breadth.

-Written by Catrina Licudine on July 12,2009

On a heart of a modern geisha

2009-04-30T09:20:00.000-07:00

Tonight I put on my make-up

With the memory of last night…

A little teary eyed but still..

I put on my make up…

The air is humid I headed to the place

Where I am supposed to be heading…

I sit there and wait hoping to see you

At the corner where it took place

The sweetest first glance

The rush of emotion like no any other…

I look all over the place

Searching for that special glance

I sit waiting and wondering…

The things I said and my gestures..

Was I pretty enough for you?

Will you ever come back I keep wondering…

Will you laugh if I say

That my chest is in pain

It wants to be with you

But those are the things I really want to say

My chest is still in pain

The make up cannot hide the sadness

A guest needs company

I need to hide the pain

I put on a mask of smile

And greeted him the sweetest way

Another sweet night

Another reason for a real smile

A mother’s message

2009-04-13T03:55:00.000-07:00

If beyond the seas is where thy hopes and dreams lie…
Thy path be bound there so you cannot hear me cry.
If money can make you smile…
Go as far as you can, go a thousand mile

For I am the chain that holds you back…
But being a chain, I’d insist not to hold you back
I’ll let you fly towards the sky, so please don’t look back
Departure is emotion shattering; it does leave a crack…

Because for the sake of you rising up…
I’d endure the pain of being sunken… seeing you on the top

shoujo no kanashii monotagari

2009-03-21T06:54:00.000-07:00

As she looked in the mirror
An ocean she saw...
vast, empty and full of horror...
yet she was at awe...

The girl in the mirror
has poker face
But her eyes seem to tremor
now her heart starts to race

Her smile is a broken line
The clue is nowhere to find.
Her song is a broken ryhme
All her emotions are left behind.

She looks so tired
but still, a smile so kind
So hard she tried
for such happiness to find.

She doesn't sleep searching,
her head screams for mercy
I saw my hands clutching
While screaming "Im not crazy"

Happiness where have you been hiding?
'til how much misery
do you plan to put me through
How many centuries til I solve this mystery?

Is love on it's own enough?

2008-10-07T09:14:00.000-07:00

I.
Is love on its own enough
to be recognized as love at all?
Is it enough to bridge us through the rough
As if there were no shingles at all?

II.
is love on its own considered alive
To keep us on the same path
Will it ever be enough even until after life
Is this love's work? O such bloodbath

III.
Is love on its own ample?
ample enough for us to stay
Even if the storm tramples
the toughest of our days

And as I write this sonnet with doubt on our affections
Is there ever love enough to keep my domiciliation?

The eternity I desire

2008-09-05T04:10:00.000-07:00

I.
Our paths intertwine as the cherry blossoms abloom,
O, the birds are celebrating, singing a wonderful tune.
By the yellow we are blinded,
Believing that forever we’d be bonded.

II.
The clock and it’s hands rotated and rotated.
The yellow turned to gray as it dilated.
The cherry blossoms now refuse to bloom
And the birds shook their heads with gloom

III.
Ecstatic smiles hide behind the doors,
Love juxtaposed, letting lust take the floor.
Oh mercy, don’t throw it away to nostalgic memoirs
Don’t let me survive through what’s left on our reservoir.

IV.
On the road we have not take shall we?
‘Til we don’t know what’s ahead, let our love forever be.

A love begging for Euthanasia( a sonnet)

2008-09-05T03:59:00.000-07:00

i.
Is there a medicine that exists?
That is capable of erasing a fragment of memory?
A memory that had been wishing to exit
It wishes to be just a faded, old memory

II.
Is there such drug that could numb such feeling?
A pain I try to suppress but is useless
For I had tried t0 pretend not knowing anything…
The instinct I tried to ignore but I am not senseless!

III.
Oh fragile, is what I am… Vulnerable to the bone
Should I trust such instinct or should I not?
My heart had been screaming; it doesn’t feel like it’s homed
To live with you in lies, oh I’d rather not!

IV.
Such heartache for denying what’s already been caught…
Unravel such truth! Do give up and reveal your fault!

Sonnet 1

2008-07-14T06:36:00.000-07:00

Shine my little star, you hurl me into the apt road
O, my dry wick, you brought back the fire
Taking my hands, you alleviate my load
Having you annihilated the worry; who'd tend to my cries.

But why my tiny star? Your shimmer is quivering,
Here from afar your warmth is no more
You refuse to touch me, look! I'm trembling.
O! my awe is it? Has my star shut his door?

O look at the height, you did shoved me to the top
It is attention that I'm fed with, for I am shining with my might
But how sudden! you had fled, alas for now came my drop
Not having you in sight blurred the answer if there'll ever be light

Please do not eradicate the fire out, hear my plea
for a triangle would lose its angle if ever I meet your flee.

~no title yet

2008-06-29T00:21:00.000-07:00

Tonight, there's nothing else left for me to cry.
No more tears to let out, all dry..
The way you released those words
Not caring if it's what wounds me the most...

Selfishness clouded your vision, you're all blind.
Shattering my heart to pieces, 'til it's nowhere for me to find..
No chance to for it to bind..
You threw it down the cliff, expecting it to return back on it's wings...

How cruel for you to thing
that I would exchange such shallow of a thing
for something we have so deep...
Doing such a thing.. would put me into a slumber so deep...

So near yet so far...

2008-06-07T06:53:00.000-07:00

When I touch you
It only leads to your destruction
Whenever I kiss you
It causes your body to be staid
I guess this how we work
no words are needed to be uttered..
I guess this is how things
are supposed to be..
Everything for us will forever be a mimic..

When I look at you from a far
I realized that charades without answers
do exist..
When I watch you from where you are
I wanted to come closer...
but the awe of breaking you again stopped me.

You are such a sight to behold.. even from a far
Just like the Mona Lisa painting..
You are never meant to be touched...

Out of my reach

2008-06-06T20:37:00.000-07:00

"Change is the only thing that does not change..."

Every waking moment of my life I thank God for being able to witness another sunrise. But as I take a moment to remember what was on my dream, there's this aching and unexplainable feeling that seem to cause some tears welling up behind my eyes.
They say a picture speaks a thousand word, what more if there's a thousand pictures flashing in my imagination. In my imagination came a picture of me when I was just a little kid and I was being carried in the arms of my grandfather. And it hurts to face the fact that it is now just a memory.
In my imagination there's another image I saw when I used to sit next to the boy I like and I can't bring myself up to tell him how I feel, he was the only one who can make me feel inspired enough to write those poetries below... And whats painful now is the regret I feel for ever telling him how I feel, If I just kept those feelings bottled up inside of me, perhaps I may have written a thousand more poetries for him.. Well we just have to face that nothing is forever... I thought that I would be able to write for him as long as I have the thoughts... But things change and we can never change that.. People do forget, people do change, you just have to be emotionally strong to cope up with those changes...

Everything I used to want..

2008-06-05T07:37:00.001-07:00

Daydreaming in a sense of not knowing when will I get a hold of your touch again..
Your words, they resonate in my head as I wait desperately for your fingers to dial my number on the phone..
Approach me and I will welcome you with a wide embrace...
I filled my head with your voice as I wait for your feet to take you here back in my arms where you belong.
Since you're the one whom I'll never grow tired of~waiting even if you pull me deeper in the puddle of oblivion..
I'll still be waiting for you.
You say you're a garbage but for me you're all I ever wanted...I am here to make you feel worthy to be treasured.. You are sarcastic but I am now here to kiss your words and turn it into something better... You walked all the way from here but I could feel a question arousing from within everytime I see your eyes full of wonder... I'll stay, please stay.. and If God just sent you to me for another lesson, I would just respectfully ask you to abandon the lecture you are requested to teach me..because I don't want you to be another lodger here in this empty heart of mine..
A smile that melts my heart everytime It strikes me... And I do blame you why I'm feeling this woe slicing deep thru my bare flesh... I crave for your presence..
You can't afford 16 hours and I can't sustain the effort to risk my time knowing how to be able to be there by your side.. we both can't yield the necessity to be together all the time..
And so you sit there wondering if I care while I sit here waiting for the time to come when we can always be together without the doubts of being departed ever again...
But one thing is for sure... I blame you for making me say these quixotic words... and I blame you for this painful longing that I feel..
I won't leave for I am here to be with you especially during those times when you need someone to apprehend your misconception... I am here forever and a day... I miss you. . .

lyrics I can't utter when you are around

2008-06-05T07:35:00.001-07:00

There is a gap between us.
There has always been.
It's just that lately it has grown bigger, wider, deeper;
And it hurts.
And it's bad for my health coz I can't eat and I can't sleep.
I can't breathe without thinking about you.
I couldn't finish the chores I started because pictures of you suddenly appear in my mind;
So I lose my focus.
And it sucks that I can't tell it to your face
Because it's my fault:
I have loved you;
Thus gave you the power to hurt me, bruise me, break me..
But it doesn't matter.
I don't care.
The thought of you is enough to get me through the day,
Though it doesn't mean that I'm okay.
Actually.... I don't care...
I've become numb.
My world still rotates but I don't take notice.
I'm left behind..
bruised, broken, severed..
Still I go on,

A mistake

2008-06-05T07:32:00.002-07:00

It's been a long day
But confusion still takes us away
I've been trying to reach out
But there's nothing for me to haul..

Yes I'm still upset
For time is nothing but a dash
A mere sense of matter
that don't seem to exist

The clock starts to tick
faster.. and more faster...
While depression gets the best of me
It gets the best of me...

I'm so perplexed, i stand still...
waiting for this melancholy
to leave me in solitary
and my mind at ease.

Close your eyes and hush...
listen to what I'm not saying
for I prefer exploit that shows..
rather than euphemism of misconception...

you were the gist of my everything
and until the end so be it...
you'll never be a nobody..
because thee shall forever be the point of my existence

We've waited long enough...
until this waiting led us into a deep slumber
when will we realize that time
had made a fool out of us

as your half conscious thought
talk you of this...
Can i be somebody
even for a frivolous moment?

A quest for a place...

2008-06-05T07:32:00.001-07:00

as i walk trough the town on my own...
i was feeling cold and lonely...
i saw a house and it looks cozy..
so i peeped trough the window

the inside looks warm so i raised my arms
i raised my arms to knock on the door
it welcomed me with a warm embrace
a pampering whisper asking me to stay

Just when I thought that my heart is protected
I had given away the licence to pull the trigger
the trigger of the gun pointed to my heart
it almost got me... so I ran away with my tears falling...

I walked again and found another house
again.. I raised my arms to let out a knock..
it welcomed me with a smile
so I stayed for a while

Just when I thought that I am sheltered
from the freezing feeling outside the window..
when the rain poured I realized I wasn't...
there was a hole in the roof dripping water all over my heart

I dunno where else to go and Im so damn tired
I've seen and went to many different houses but it's no use
they're all the same, they all look great on the outside
But a wreck on the inside

I dont wanna remain homeless forever...
I want a place to take care of me
will I ever find the one...
the only place for me?..........

The re-awakening

2008-06-05T07:30:00.000-07:00

Stained by yesterday's tears
Reflected yesteryear's rapture
A scar carved so abysmal
Equipped me with a cold cuirass…

This frosty outside?
More like a burning hell inside
It seems so confusing but
maybe a second glance is all it takes…

Hush for now and
close your eyes…
get lost with your imagination
and you may prefer never to wake up…

I may never express what is real
I may never be able to say those words
Death is all I'm waiting for…
To meet and greet my casket…

Death is an awaited freedom…
So that my spirit can roam free…
So that I can watch you sleep closely…
And I'll be able to guide you free…

To hitch your falling tears
I'll be your unwanted celestial spirit
Keeping an eye over you
Never seen with an undeniable presence…

Until the day of my resurrection
It'll all remain preserved in my memoir…
Fresh as the morning
And warm as the sun's rays…

So until next lifetime…
We'll be seeing each other again
As our paths interweave again…
For my soul will never rest
Until I finally set those words straight to you…

a book called my effervescence

2008-06-05T07:29:00.000-07:00

I wanna start another life time
where I am there
and you are still here...
Start a new life
with a new leaf
a new beginning
without the pain
without the grief...
a brand new page
in a book called "my effervescence"
a feeling I've been searching for so long
like you're face was unsoiled
a feeling like your soul is immaculate...
But right now I'm stranded in a chapter
where my vision is blotched
and the key is nowhere to find
for me to be able to open this
torture chamber...
may this chapter in my effervescence
be the last as I expect it....
and may I reach "the end"
the ending of my pain...
and a hopeful start of a new dawn...

Listen to what I am not saying..

2008-06-05T07:24:00.000-07:00

It's time now to end my hush
Because my heart is pumping in a rush
I can't remain silent forever
Coz If I do I might catch a fever

You got me feeling so petrified
I can't make myself tell you even if I tried
I have to reveal
What I truly feel

These 3 words had been locked up for so long
and I'm not an oaf to know that it's wrong
Please don't make this stern
Listen to what I'm not saying!

My feelings for you don;t require interaction
It may seem tranquil but can sometimes cause commotion
You're the missing part in my labyrinth
And you're the only reason that I breathe

So before you go
I'm happy to let you know
That what I'm feeling for you is sincere
And I'm deliriously devoted to you....

Stay for eterity

2008-06-05T07:23:00.000-07:00

Does being with you means being deserted?
Tell me so, tell me while it's not
Too late…

Does staying beside you means being lonely?
Give me a good reason to believe it
Because I don't… I can't…

Does walking with you means walking solitary?
Am I supposed to feel isolated
When I'm with you?

If I stow my heart in your hands…
Are you going to shatter it? Or will
You handle it with custody?

I once was alone… and being alone
Is something I can't bear alone..
I need you here…

People talk jargon about you to me,
But I kept my ears shut
And my heart to you..

You're something unpredictable,
I can't predict what's going
on your mind

These tears are abating and
I don't have an intuition,
Just plain torment…

It's about us, it's not about them…
These three words I've
been longing to tell you…

You are now the gist of
Everything in me…
I depend on you so much

You're one of a kind and I'll
Never find someone like you..
The remarkably unpredictable you…

I chose you to be the one whom
I'll walk with until
The cessation of this road

Things that I can't say ~

2008-06-05T07:21:00.000-07:00

Whats on your mind?
Still Cant leave it behind..
The past still haunting me
And this scar will remain forever be

I wanna hear your thoughts
I have to read your words
Im in a desperate need for signs
And Im crying my thoughts dry..

Im crying from behind
Because you left me far aside..
Im completely forgotten
Our past begotten

I still get lost in my thoughts
And my inspiration is in drought..
I wanna get away with my imagination
Where youre there and Im in my fascination

My eyes still see you
Something happened like deja vu..
My sight still fixed on you
I cant close them, its crying for you..

My hands are trembling
Theyre very weary
My skin longs for you touch
And this pain is drying me in a rush

If only I could turn back the hands
I really would refuse to have that past..
But what could I do if my heart longs for you
And everything I could hope for, just ended up in trash..

The Unexpected Ending

2008-06-05T07:19:00.000-07:00

I've been dreaming about a happy ending
I never thought I'd be the one to put an ending
I wanna live in a fairy tale paradise
Not in a dungeon as cold as an ice

I want to be with you in my happy ending
We weren't supposed to meet the ending
You should've held me a lil' tighter
And let your smile shine a lil' lighter

I chose to walk with you all the way
But you never took me away
You walked alone down the lane
That's why I didnt came

You never said you care
and my flesh was painfully bare
And thanks for acting like you don't
Bcoz' I wanna be with you, now I don't..

When I had my way, I broke my own heart
And I'll never get over you said by my heart
This has gone on so long and I just realized
That I have to let go coz "he" wasn't what I wanted, no..

I want and love you but then
When I was with you now and then
You kept on saying your life is miserable
And I feel useless coz I can't help you with your life's misery

Nothing's going right in this damn cold night
But thanks for making me feel all right
Yes, for once in my life you did
And I wish it was forever indeed

My life has changed ever since you came
And the real me came
Guess I never had someone like you
And no one can ever be compared to you

No one's ever make me feel this way
And I just realized today
That I wanna be with you forever
But one message changed my forever

2008-06-05T07:10:00.000-07:00

You may see her smile
Even from a thousand miles
But try to look behind her giggle
And everything for you will be a riddle
She was once joyous inside and out
She once sung happy songs out loud
Her guitar was once hyperactive
But now it's problematic
She once walked alone
Until you came along
Your feeling for her was overwhelming
that confession of yours was truly alarming
You took her heart with your bare hands
She entrusted it to your palm
She stayed with you
Expecting a whole new view
But you never were aware of what she truly feels
She was going through a series of rocky hills
You said you love her
Go ahead say it to her
She is a girl who's extremely sensitive
She also has an attitude that's negative
How are you supposed to know?
You don't seem to give a damn! No…
And now that she's leaving
She's the one you're blaming
You never even tried to tighten the grip
That's why there has been a leak
And now that she's gone
She's no longer at fun
She had truly loved you
And I'll never be the same because of you